Which brings us to our first B flick, "Cemetery Man" . I feel comfortable giving this movie a resounding ZOMG WTF? The premise of the movie is kinda hard to explain, so I'll just sum up: A cemetery groundskeeper (played by Rupert Everett) is having issues keeping the dead, well, dead in this little Italian cemetery. He meets the boobtastic daughter of the mayor (played by Anna Falchi - not well known in American cinema), shags her in his cemetery's ossuary, which makes her rather randy, and --- SPOILER ALERT --- winds up in a snow globe at the end of the movie with his half-witted assistant, who consequently becomes remarkably eloquent at the very end.
T - You forgot about the weirdness in the middle. It's as though they started a whole new movie half way through. Including the same actors playing new characters suddenly.
Yeah, Cemetery Man was truly a case of "OMG will this thing ever end...but it's so bad I can't stop watching!"
I think that the snow globe was tied to the first plot line...but the director was Italian and being "artsy" so who the hell knows. :)
Don't forget that the half-witted assistant falls in love with the Mayor's daughter (I think the Cemetary Man fell in love with a rich man's widow, not the mayor's daughter - she was, however, boobtastic, no doubt about that) who dies in a horrific traffic accident, so when her decapitated head is reanimated by the cemetary dirt, he steals it and they fall madly in love.
Oh yeah, and don't forget that Boobtastic Lady does the horizontal mambo with Cemetary Man in the cemetary after they go searching through the ossuary (Ossuary? I love ossuaries!).
There's also the dumbass police detective who is Cemetary Man's best friend. Cemetary Man kills him in the hospital.
Oh, and Boobtastic Lady doesn't just play the horny widow - wasn't she a college student/hooker, too?
This was probably one of the most effed-up movies ever. It was, in a word, awesome.
Two words...snow globe. That's all I have to say. Nightwatchman wasn't it? Still the most FUD UP B horror movie we've watched to date!
ReplyDeleteWhich brings us to our first B flick, "Cemetery Man" . I feel comfortable giving this movie a resounding ZOMG WTF? The premise of the movie is kinda hard to explain, so I'll just sum up: A cemetery groundskeeper (played by Rupert Everett) is having issues keeping the dead, well, dead in this little Italian cemetery. He meets the boobtastic daughter of the mayor (played by Anna Falchi - not well known in American cinema), shags her in his cemetery's ossuary, which makes her rather randy, and --- SPOILER ALERT --- winds up in a snow globe at the end of the movie with his half-witted assistant, who consequently becomes remarkably eloquent at the very end.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteT - You forgot about the weirdness in the middle. It's as though they started a whole new movie half way through. Including the same actors playing new characters suddenly.
ReplyDeleteYeah, Cemetery Man was truly a case of "OMG will this thing ever end...but it's so bad I can't stop watching!"
I think that the snow globe was tied to the first plot line...but the director was Italian and being "artsy" so who the hell knows. :)
Don't forget that the half-witted assistant falls in love with the Mayor's daughter (I think the Cemetary Man fell in love with a rich man's widow, not the mayor's daughter - she was, however, boobtastic, no doubt about that) who dies in a horrific traffic accident, so when her decapitated head is reanimated by the cemetary dirt, he steals it and they fall madly in love.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, and don't forget that Boobtastic Lady does the horizontal mambo with Cemetary Man in the cemetary after they go searching through the ossuary (Ossuary? I love ossuaries!).
There's also the dumbass police detective who is Cemetary Man's best friend. Cemetary Man kills him in the hospital.
Oh, and Boobtastic Lady doesn't just play the horny widow - wasn't she a college student/hooker, too?
This was probably one of the most effed-up movies ever. It was, in a word, awesome.